Improving Communication Skills So You Can Improvise With Anyone

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[MUSIC]

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I don't need to learn to communicate with men on my improv team because I am not a man.

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Now try replacing the word man in that sentence with a different group of people

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and have another go of your own. I'll wait.

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That phrase, no matter how you just filled in the blank, sounds pretty wild, doesn't it?

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It feels wrong because to be a successful team member in a scene and outside of it,

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you have to be able to communicate with everyone in the room somehow.

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And you might think that you already do, but I'm going to pose this, do you? Really?

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Today we're going to have a conversation about why good communication is an important step

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towards realizing your goal as somebody who does really good improv.

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So today we're going to have a conversation about why good communication is an important step

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towards realizing your goal of doing really good improv. We're going to diagnose some of the causes

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of communication breakdown on improv teams and answer an important question by the end

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of this episode. And that question is, what is the one skill that separates good improvisers

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from great improvisers? The kind of improvisers who can get up on stage with literally anyone

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and do a good scene. By the end of this episode, you will know what that skill is,

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and you'll have also a clear four step path towards developing that skill yourself.

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Welcome to your improv brain. I'm your host, Jen deHaan, and I've taught and I've coached

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improv at several different improv schools. I also used to run the online division of a theater

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in LA. But now I like dropping improv stuff here on YouTube and the podcast and all my websites,

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improvupdate.com and stereoforist.com. So let's go back to that opening line.

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That one you might remember. I don't need to learn to communicate with men on my team because I

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am not a man. It sounds obvious that it's wrong, I hope. And yet I've heard different versions

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of this statement many times from very smart, very well-intentioned people in good faith who I

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respect. I've heard these variations kind of around the idea of, "I'm not neurodivergent,

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so I don't need to listen to your neurodivergent improv podcast." Now, these people had good

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intentions. They just didn't see or hear what they were missing in that statement. I even called it

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out in all the intros and the descriptions. So it's not obvious to many what that difference

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in communication even really is. But let's think about how a statement like that comes across to

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the person hearing it regardless of the good intention or good faith was in the person saying it.

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It says to someone on the other side, "I don't need to learn about how you think or how you

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communicate in order to relate to you. You need to do the communication or thinking my way,

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the statistically prominent way." I actually don't even think that that's what they're thinking.

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I think it's more like, "I don't think we have communication problems. Everything's fine."

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So I'm pretty sure that everyone who said that to me didn't mean it like the way that it would

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sound like and someone's brain like mine, or they just didn't want to listen to the podcast and

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it's fine. I respect that. But they probably just didn't think they had communication issues in

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improv. They didn't think that they have to think about communication at all or different types of

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people from themselves because they're part of the statistical majority. So the people around them

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might be compensating for a lot of the shortfalls pretty well. And all those people who are doing

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compensations are doing some exhausting heavy lifting. So that exhausting heavy lifting is

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happening from all the people who are different from that statistical norm. Instead of meeting in

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the middle, one person has to go the whole way over or as far as they possibly can to compensate

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for the communication shortfall. And that's the problem because right now in most places,

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improv is wired to the norm, whatever that norm is in a particular region. And this means that

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communication problems are pretty rampant in improv considering this simply because so many

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different kinds of people do it. There are so many different types of improv brains. And the people

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who aren't part of that default group often struggle internally. That's an invisible struggle

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until the problems arise. And those people might feel like they have to change how they think or

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how they act to fit in. They might try to match that norm. And in doing so, they aren't bringing

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their own unique perspective to the stage. They feel like they can't, that it's not allowed.

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And another one that I hear a whole lot of, and this hurts every time, is that different person,

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the statistical minority, getting kicked off the improv team. Or a new one forming with everyone

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except them on it or everyone except them in the WhatsApp chat. So what are the real root causes

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of communication issues? And I think it boils down to three main things to try and simplify

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an extremely dense and complicated issue. So this episode isn't hours long. I don't think you'd want

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that. Anyways, number one, not caring or at least not caring enough. Because caring leads directly

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to listening. And if you don't genuinely care about understanding the person in front of you,

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like genuinely put a good effort in, you might not be able to truly listen to them or truly hear

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what they're saying. So caring leads to learning, taking the time to learn about others, to learn

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about cultures, to ask a teammate questions, ask them how they feel or what they think or how

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they thought a scene went, like what it meant, not giving notes or anything. But you know,

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what did that scene mean to you, for example? Did we get the same thing? And believing them in good

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faith as often as possible. So the second issue, high level, making assumptions. We assume that

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other people think the same way we do or that we've had the same kind of life experiences.

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Even me as a neurodivergent person, I thought everyone thought the way I did for the longest

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time until I realized that wasn't the case. We fill in the blanks and fill in subtext with our own

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story, with our own voice, with our own type of brain, not the other person, ours. We don't know

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we're different until we actually learn these things and sometimes we come across the information

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by chance. And third, not taking the time to learn about who we're doing improv with outside of the

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scene. Your scene partners are whole people with long varied lives and expertise and experiences

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and you won't learn who they really are without some good faith in depth conversations

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as humans, not as characters. Now here's one case where I was surprised by how much I

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misunderstood my scene partners while I was taking a narrative class. In this narrative class, we

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had an opportunity to analyze each scene after it happened before we continued. Just what the

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scene meant, how you understood it, like on a technical basis, not noting. All the people

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watching the scene were asked to interpret it and a lot of what happened occurred in the subtext,

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that was this style of improv. And guess what? My takeaway was often very different from nearly

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everyone else watching in most of the scenes. My intention with my characters, they varied quite

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a bit from what was understood because there was a lot of nonverbal stuff in this style.

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And I was very used to verbal improv. The scenes, they worked, we were all listening to each other,

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but it was like kind of mind blowing to figure out that I had a different understanding of what

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was communicated nonetheless. And it was a great learning experience for me in a lot of ways,

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seeing how my autism kind of affected my understanding of subtext. And it was a great big

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note of sort of where I should go and what kind of improv I should do. And by the way,

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this is a fantastic exercise to try in your own classes in any improv style. So suggest it to your

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teacher or do it with your students and let us know what happens in the comments or in the discord.

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So here's the good news. The teams and performers who really learn to listen, who don't always

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assume and who focus on building a scene together, they find a lot of success. Because good improv

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is about meeting in the middle and building together. It's not about making your scene partner do all

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of that work in compensation on their own. So yes, you almost certainly do need to do some work

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on communication to understand other ways of thinking and living all the ones that you'll

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encounter in improv, even if you live in the same location and speak the same language or think you

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are the best experienced improvisers, they can improvise with anyone. It doesn't matter if their

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partner has been doing improv for 10 minutes or 10 years, these improvisers can find a way to connect

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to understand each other and to do a good scene. So how do they do that? And this brings us to the

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four steps that essentially address the challenges that we just discussed earlier. So step one is

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listening. This is the foundation of everything in improv. If you care or if you just decide to try

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hard, you listen. And listening isn't just about the words, it's about listening to the body language,

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the tone of voice, the energy, the cadence. These improvisers truly listen and hear what the other

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person is offering. And just as importantly or even more importantly, they'll notice when the

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communication gaps might be occurring. And then they have a better chance at sensing the disconnect

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and working to solve it in the scene as their character. And that brings us to step two or

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thing two. They know their scene partners really well or and if they don't, let's say it's that new

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improviser who's taking their very first class, they rely heavily on that step one of listening. So

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they might focus on clarifying instead of assuming and verbally or physically filling in those gaps.

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It's being transparent. It's not assuming things. And this is just as relevant in a scene as it is

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in a conversation outside of one. Thing number three is learning about their community outside of

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the scene. This is what the best improvisers do to learn how their teammates communicate as people.

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And they don't force them to assimilate into a certain improv culture or way of thinking or style.

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They encourage that improvisers lived experience, their neural wiring, their unique point of view

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to come out on stage and be who they really are genuinely and make it relatable to them

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within the style of improv that you're doing, accepting people as different and not forcing

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them to change for the scene, for the theater or the team makes a community way stronger.

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Because then everyone on the team is doing that and they create a space that is flexible and

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supportive. But the goal is always to meet someone somewhere in the middle as much as possible,

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whichever side of the difference that you're on. And if you have certain advantages or privileges

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being part of the norm, try to do a little bit of extra work on this perhaps. If you're willing to go

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a whole lot further than the middle to support those people who usually have to do all the traveling

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to the other side, you might find it a very rewarding thing to do in many different ways.

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But it might not look like what you're thinking about. And that's the challenge I posed to you

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in this video. Do some exploring, see what you find. For example, putting in this work might

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help you notice how someone on your team might not add to a storyline much when you're doing a

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big long set. But they are on fire when it comes to callbacks and recalling details that the rest

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of the team forgets. Maybe you notice this and learn that they can't handle really adding to a

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particularly plotty storyline, but they seem to remember everything that happened and can fill

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in the gaps. Meeting in the middle might look like not seeing their aversion to plot as some kind of

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deficit, but instead supporting these moves, initiating scenes more and pushing the story

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and letting them follow and do what they're best at. Instead of forcing them to get better at plot

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or for you to get better at callbacks, you remain a well rounded team with all your various

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improv brains focusing on what each of you do best. And that leads to step four, lots of reps.

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These great improvisers might opt to get a ton of practice in with different people,

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with different coaches, with different teachers. They might seek out different types of improvisers

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and different styles of improv or different formats of comedy even. They might choose to get

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comfortable with being uncomfortable. Humans learn through practice and variety. A great

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improviser can do a good scene with anyone who is standing in front of them and to do that,

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they learned to listen more and assume less. I'll return to that question from the beginning

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in a second, but first, if you really felt this episode in your bones, I'd love it if you'd hit

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the like button and or share it with another improviser to let me know to make more stuff

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like this. You can tell them that you love communicating with them so well in improv or

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you commiserate about how much your community might need these tips. And in the comments or

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our improv update discord, let us know what that one thing you do to get to know or understand

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your teammates a little bit easier in the scene or outside of it. All the links are in the description

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and the show notes, including two newsletters. I send out weekly about all this stuff. And by the

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way, shout out to the improv update discord for this week's topic inspiration. So we come back

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to the question from the beginning of the episode. If I had to do one skill that separates good

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improvisers from really great ones, what is that skill? And what I think it is anyways is the ability

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to adapt communication style. It's not about being the funny person in the room or who has done

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improv the most and gotten highest on that proverbial ladder. It's about being a really generous

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and flexible communicator. The great improvisers out there, they don't expect other people to

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adapt to them. They take on the work of adapting to other people in the room. They have the experience,

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they can do that. They've got the confidence and they have the privilege, right? They're curious

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they care. It leads to next level listening. And those things are the most important skills

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that let that person connect with anyone at any time and build a really amazing scene together

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with their scene partners, whoever they are. And if you've had a so-called a typical brain,

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your whole life that has kind of forced you to continually adapt no matter where you go,

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that might be why you're pretty good at improv right out of the box. So thanks for listening

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and I'll be back here next Monday. Bye for now. You have been listening to Your Improv Brain,

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a Stereoforest production. This show is created and is written, edited and produced by jenthon

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of Stereoforest.com. You can find show information, show notes, transcripts, and contact information

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at the show's page at Stereoforest.com/improvbrain. Thanks for listening.

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you

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